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Flowers

Flowers tend to be an expected part of the North American funeral ritual. They can also be costly, and lead to confusion.

The immediate family will traditionally choose a “Casket Spray”, a flower piece that sits on top of the casket.

A Casket Spray will cost between $150-700 typically, depending on the size of it, and what type of flowers.

There will often be a ribbon on the Casket Spray. This ribbon is meant to indicate who the deceased was to the family…. “Mother”, “Daughter”, “Beloved Wife”.

Some families will choose to have additional flower pieces, from individual family members, on either side of the casket, or in wreaths or smaller arrangements.

The cost of these additional pieces will vary, from $150-$500 typically, depending on size and type of flowers.

As traditional acknowledgement of death, flowers are sent from extended family and friends. It is appropriate to send one floral piece from a family, or a group of people.

A more modern movement is showing a shift towards charitable donations in lieu of flowers, to have a more beneficial and environmentally friendly impact.

What Is A “Register Book”? Why Do I Need One?

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A register, or guest, book is usually placed at the entrance to the visitation room and/or funeral/memorial service, and is signed by the guests before entering.

Much like a guest book at a wedding, this serves as a permanent record of those who attended the event, and will be kept by the family.

Many people fail to see value in a register book, as they can’t imagine ever looking at it again. It’s important to keep in mind that the register book is also for the guests, as much as it is the family… it allows them to participate in small way, and show their support and presence.

Funeral providers will charge a large markup on register books and other memorial packages, with basic books starting around $50.

A practical alternative it to purchase a guest book, or plain journal, from a local book or stationary store. There are often several options, starting at $20.

One way to get a bit more value from your register book is to invite guests to share a memory of the deceased, instead of simply signing their name. Where they met, their favourite memory, something that was unique.

Why Do Caskets Cost Different Amounts?

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When selecting a casket at a funeral provider, you will notice that there’s a wide range of costs… usually a range from $1500 to $8000. Why such a huge difference?

There are two types of caskets available, metal and wood. The majority of Canadians select a wood casket, and so that’s what I’ll talk about here.

The cost of a casket depends on the type of wood used… Mahogany will be more expensive than Ash. It also depends on how much labour has gone in to making the casket. Each casket is handmade, and the two major providers of caskets in Canada are Batesville and Victoriaville. Some examples of more expensive touches would be rounded corners or decorative ornamentation.

Remember to choose a casket that fits your budget, and reflects the deceased and their values.

How To Acknowledge A Death

There are many different ways to acknowledge the death of someone, depending on your relationship with their family and friends, and your closeness, and comfort.

  • Leave an online condolence via the funeral home or obituary website
  • Send a card of condolence
  • Pay your respects at a visitation
  • Attend the funeral service
  • Make a donation in their memory
  • Order flowers for the visitation/service (if culturally acceptable)

It’s wise to avoid phone calls to the home in the days following a death, as many arrangements are being made, and the family will be overwhelmed by the response.

How To Write An Obituary

An obituary (“newspaper announcement” “death notice”) has a standard format, and typically contains four parts.

1) Who, When, Where, How are all in the first part.

SMITH, John

Passed away peacefully, at home, after a courageous battle with cancer, on Monday, January 1st, 2015, at the age of 92. 

2) The second part contains familial information, usually listed in descending order from closest relative to most distant.

Beloved husband of Jane Smith, loving father of James (Janet) Smith, proud grandpa of Jake Smith and Jill Smith, dear brother of Jim Smith. Predeceased by his parents, Jacob and Jennifer Smith.

3) The third part is for biographical details.

John was an active member of Grace Church, a dedicated lawn bowler, and a long-time employee of Toyota. He loved spending time with his grandchildren, and gardening. 

4) The final section contains service information.

Visitation will be held at ABC Funeral Home, 123 Main Street, on Tuesday, January 2nd, from 2-4pm and 7-9pm. Funeral Service will be held in the Chapel of the Funeral Home on Wednesday, January 3rd at 11am, with cremation to follow. 

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the charity of your choice. 

What Is Embalming?

Embalming is the process of preserving, restoring, and disinfecting a deceased body.

It has its origins in antiquity, and was notable among the ancient Egyptians, who required it for the cycle of necessity.

In modern history it was brought back into use through the Civil War, and the desire to have those killed in battle brought home, in an acceptable form.

In modern day it’s a practice that is used primarily for visitations, as well as delays in funeral services, and transportation to other countries for burial.

The process of embalming involves replacing the blood with a preservative chemical, by means of a small incision in an artery and vein. After this, a second small incision is made above the navel, allowing the aspiration (removal of fluids) and chemical treatment of the internal organs and cavities, that would not be reached by the circulatory system.

These two incisions are there closed by means of suture cord, or glue.

In addition, the eyes and mouth of the deceased are often fixed closed, by way of eye caps (full cornea ‘contacts’, made of thin plastic), and either suturing or wiring the mouth together.

Throughout this process, the body is washed with warm water and disinfectant soap, to promote distribution, and ensure disinfection.

What Is An Urn?

An urn (also called a funerary urn or cremation urn) is a container used to hold the cremated remains (“ashes”) of a person, or persons.

The use of urns has dated back thousands and thousands of years, through many cultures, and were made of a variety of materials.

In modern day we will typically see urns made of wood, metal, or stone.

Funeral providers will sell urns from manufacturers, however you can easily find a suitable urn of your own choosing, or making, at a greatly reduced cost. Most funeral home urns will range from $200-$1200.

An urn can be any container of adequate dimensions to hold cremated remains. It should ideally not be something fragile, and nothing with a narrow neck, or small opening, which may make it difficult to place the cremated remains inside.

With the process of cremation, a ‘temporary’ urn is provided. This will be a plain and simple box, made of either thick cardboard or plastic, with a plastic bag inside, containing the cremated remains. This gives you a place to start, and for many people, may be the only urn necessary, as scattering may be the final disposition.

An urn may be used for a visitation, or funeral service, and afterwards it may be placed in a columbarium, or buried, or kept at home. If scattering the remains is the desired final disposition, consideration should be given to what to do with the urn afterwards, and if an urn is necessary.

What To Wear?

For burial, or cremation, you will have the choice of clothing for the deceased.

There may be religious restrictions and guidelines that dictate the type of clothing to be worn, but in the absence of those, it remains a personal family decision.

If you will be having a visitation, it is recommended to bring something with full sleeves (not sleeveless, short sleeves, capped sleeves, tank tops, etc) that extend to the wrist, and with a high neckline. Avoid sheer and transparent fabrics.

Please bring whatever the person usually wore in life… underwear, socks, etc.

Shoes are optional, but if brought, they will be put on.

Western funerals have traditionally tended towards more formal outfits to be laid out in, often dresses and suits. But in more modern traditions, there has been a move to have the person laid out in something more accurate to who they were in life… a hockey jersey, a favourite pair of jeans, and sneakers are not uncommon.

If possible, it’s best to bring the clothing with you at the time of arrangements with your funeral provider.

What If I Can’t Afford A Funeral?

Funerals are very expensive… after a house, a wedding, or a car, it will be one of the most expensive single-items that you will ever need to purchase.

Some people are simple unable to afford the $4000-$12,000 that a funeral can cost, on average.

After a death has occurred, your funeral director can assist you in making application to your local Social Services Department for coverage of funeral costs. While coverage varies drastically from region to region, the city will usually pay for a casket, visitation, funeral service, and your choice of burial or cremation. They will NOT typically cover flowers, a burial vault, an urn, or anything else they view as optional.

If you are already receiving ODSP or Social Assistance, you will more easily be accepted by this program. If you are applying and are not already in their system, they will usually require bank statements and other information from the person for whom you are making the application (the deceased).

Unfortunately this is not something that can be pre-arranged, as financial circumstances are subject to change.

How Do I Donate My Body?

Step One

Obtain a donor consent form from the school of anatomy of your choice. One copy will be kept with the school, and one will be kept by you.

Step Two

Talk to your family and executor,  and make them aware of your wishes.

Step Three

Make note in your will:

“Upon my death, I direct that my body, if acceptable and needed for anatomical studies and medical research, be delivered to the Division of Anatomy at the University of Toronto (or to the nearest Medical School).”